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High Tea Disaster
Mallory Reynolds had envisioned high tea as a turning point. This was the kind of thing put-together women did. Women with blazers. Women who knew the difference between Earl Grey and whatever was in that dusty Lipton box . Women whose lives did not currently revolve around whose turn it was to buy toilet paper or whether ibuprofen counted as a personality. So, Mallory ironed a blouse she had not worn since before her hips unionized against her, slapped on lipstick that bold
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3 days ago3 min read
Mallory Reynolds and the Great Yoga Catastrophe
Another Unscheduled Midlife Crisis Mallory Reynolds did not “do” yoga. She once described herself as “about as flexible as a government website,” which seemed accurate. But after her doctor suggested she “incorporate light movement,” and after her friend Tiffany sent her a 40% off Groupon for a beginner’s class, Mallory decided she could tolerate one hour of pretending to be a pretzel. What she did not expect was Goat Yoga. She had no idea until she walked in and saw twenty
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Mar 112 min read
The Day My Smart Fridge Turned Against Me
A Very Midlife Trauma I knew things were getting out of control when my fridge started sending me notifications like it was my mother. “Your spinach has expired.” “Your water intake is insufficient.” “Your cheese-to-vegetable ratio is concerning.” Excuse me? I didn’t buy a fridge; I bought a judgmental roommate with a freezer. It all started last Tuesday, when my boss announced, we’d be returning to the office twice a week, and my eye began twitching so violently that I looke
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Mar 112 min read
Whisper of Silk
I was born beneath lamplight, my first breath a whisper of thread, drawn through silk that sighed in the hands of women whose fingers...
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Oct 3, 20251 min read
Chicken Nugget Girl and the Blind Date Debacle
Mallory Reynolds was already regretting the blind date before she even parked her car. Helen, her best friend and certified chaos agent,...
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Sep 19, 20254 min read
Ritz in the Tits: A Mallory & Helen Saga
Mallory and Helen had never intended to make a sport out of snacking, but somehow, Ritz crackers had turned into the Olympic event of...
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Aug 18, 20252 min read
Mallory Reynolds and the Chunky Milk Betrayal
Mallory Reynolds and the Chunky Milk Betrayal Mallory awoke in what could only be described as a fog of regret, dehydration, and faint...
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Aug 13, 20252 min read
Mallory Reynolds: 5 Worst First Dates(Proof that love is dead and dating is a blood sport)
1. The Guy Who Brought His Mom Mallory thought she was meeting Steve, an accountant who “loved travel and good food.” She arrived at...
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Aug 13, 20252 min read
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